Ask-the-Expert: How to cope with life’s changes and challenges, and manage stress?

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Change is a natural part of life but it’s not always easy to navigate. Any change in our environment can create stress. Our emotional health can be affected when we go through transitions in life. Changes such as moving to a new city, starting a job, or becoming a parent may evoke feelings of excitement but also anxiety, sadness, or fear. Even milestones like buying a home or getting married can create stress.

Conversely, difficult transitions like dealing with a long-term illness, divorce, or grief over the loss of a loved one can lead to significant emotional challenges.

These shifts often disrupt routines, support systems, and sense of identity, making us more vulnerable to emotional challenges. Losing familiar environments and connections can also leave us feeling isolated and lonely, adding to the difficulty of adjusting. The uncertainty that comes with such changes can heighten feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness.

Resilience is important for navigating the challenges and life transition across life stages. Life transitions often disrupt stability and identity, but they also offer opportunities for growth. With effort and support, these challenges can lead to greater resilience, stronger coping skills, and a deeper sense of confidence in our ability to handle change. Embracing these moments and seeking help when needed can make all the difference in turning periods of change into stepping stones for personal development.

Stress: A Natural Response

Stress is a normal response to change. When we encounter stressors, our bodies and minds activate a series of responses to help us manage challenges or changes – this is called stress. Our responses to stress differ from person to person, varying in duration, intensity, and symptoms. While one person may react strongly to a particular stressor, another might barely notice it.

Stress, whether caused by positive or negative events, impacts us depending on its duration, nature, severity, and context.

• Short-term stress. Research suggests that brief periods of stress can sometimes enhance performance.
• Chronic stress. Prolonged stress disrupts nearly all bodily functions. The American Psychological Association identifies chronic stress as a risk factor for numerous physical and mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, and memory impairment.

Here are some strategies to help manage everyday stress.

Identify Triggers and Responses

Identifying your stressors, which can be people, changes in your surroundings, work issues, or too many demands (stressors may be different for each person) can help you either avoid them or develop strategies to reduce their impact. Paying attention to and recognizing signs of “stressing out,” such as reaching for comfort foods or excessive phone use, can prompt you to take steps to reduce that particular stressor.

Step Away and Take a Break

When feeling stressed, it may be helpful to step away from the situation when possible. This could be done both physically and psychologically, such as engaging in another activity or exiting the conversation or situation.

Count to Ten

Slowly counting from one to ten in a calm voice can help you regulate your reaction to stress. Pairing this with deep breaths or visualizing the numbers can be especially grounding.  This simple act can help you assess if your reactions change and regain control. See Section E: How to Practice Stress Reduction Methods to learn other breathing techniques such as box breathing.

Move Your Body

There's a strong connection between your emotional and physical condition. Stretching and moving your body helps relieve tension and improve mental clarity.

Shift Your Perspective

Sometimes stress stems from how we interpret situations. Shifting your perspective can help you avoid unnecessary stress. Reframe your perspective by asking yourself, “How will I feel about this in 10 hours, 10 days, 10 months, or 10 years from now?” This can help you focus on what truly matters. Strategies such as cognitive reappraisal or reframing can help shift your perspective, enabling you to view life’s challenges differently—not by expecting the worst, but by recognizing your ability to navigate these difficulties. The goal is to avoid overreacting to negative situations, instead approaching them with a more realistic and constructive mindset. This process involves replacing problematic thought patterns with more positive and helpful ones.

Make A Connection

Building connections can alleviate stress. Connect with someone, something, or someplace that you cherish or have previously helped you reduce stress in the past. Talking to a trusted friend, journaling, interacting with pets, watering plants, or revisiting cherished memories can help restore a sense of calm.

Build a Health-Enhancing Lifestyle

Good health is the foundation for stress management. Prioritize regular sleep, physical activity, meaningful relationships, and positive thinking habits to create a foundation for resilience.

Incorporate Chinese Cultural Ways

Traditional Chinese practices like tai chi, qigong, calligraphy, tea-making, bonsai cultivation, and meditation align closely with modern psychological approaches. Philosophies such as “your experiences are shaped by your thoughts” (境由心生) and “accepting the natural course of events” (順其自然) can provide additional insights for stress management.

Utilize Technology

Apps and AI tools can be valuable resources for stress management. Many health insurance plans, workplaces, and schools provide free access to premium wellness apps. You can also ask AI tools to help you cope with stress caused by a specific situation. For example, “I am stressed about my deadline, can you make a worksheet to guide and help me reduce stress now?”

Deep Breathing

Research shows deep breathing activates stress-reducing hormones and provides immediate relief. Breathing is the bridge between the body and mind. Breathing exercises can relax the body and mind, enhance self-awareness, and help us connect with our inner selves.

Different Breathing Techniques

Here are some breathing techniques to promote relaxation. You can try different methods to find what works best for you. If you feel dizzy or experience any discomfort while practicing, stop and discuss with your doctor to check your physical condition. Listen to your body first. Typically, when we’re tense or stressed, our shoulders tend to rise. During breathing exercises, try to relax your shoulders as much as possible. While practicing, focus on keeping your shoulders relaxed and noticing your physical and mental state.

Diaphragmatic (Abdominal) Breathing

Most people breathe from their chest, especially when stressed, leading to short, rapid breaths. Practicing abdominal breathing can help return your body to a calm state.

1. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. In abdominal breathing, the abdomen expands first as the diaphragm moves down, pushing the belly outward.
2. Inhale. Slowly and gently take a deep breath, allowing fresh air to fill your lungs.
3. Pause briefly.
4. Exhale. Slowly release your breath, imagining your shoulders sliding down and exhaling any tension or discomfort.

After completing this, take a few normal breaths. Observe. Look around, noticing any new light or fresh details, and be aware of how your body feels.

Box Breathing

Box breathing, also known as 4×4×4 box breathing, is a technique that promotes focus and relaxation. Imagine a box or a candle in front of you to help focus.

1. Inhale. Count to 1-2-3-4, inhaling slowly and steadily.
2. Hold. Count to 1-2-3-4, holding your breath, and feeling the stillness in your body.
3. Exhale. Count to 1-2-3-4, slowly exhaling and releasing any tension.

4-7-8 Breathing Technique

The 4-7-8 breathing method emphasizes the exhale, which will activate the parasympathetic nervous system and promote relaxation. Many people use it for better sleep.

1. Inhale. Count to 1-2-3-4, slowly inhaling.
2. Hold. Count to 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, holding your breath.
3. Exhale. Slowly exhale, counting to 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8

Mindfulness and Meditation

Scientific research has documented various benefits of meditation, especially in areas of mental and physical health. According to Mayo Clinic, the key benefits include:

• Reduce Stress and Anxiety.
• Improve Focus and Attention.
• Enhance Emotional Well-Being.
• Promote Cardiovascular Health.
• Support Immune System Function.
• Reduce Symptoms of Depression.
• Manage Pain.
• Slow Aging of the Brain
• Improve Sleep Quality

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction

Rooted in Buddhist practice, mindfulness was brought into mainstream American culture by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, a molecular biologist from MIT. Dr. Kabat-Zinn studied meditation under a Korean Zen master, and while working at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center, he developed Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) in 1979 to help patients manage pain and reduce stress. His approach is based on the Buddhist concept that while the body may experience pain, the mind does not have to suffer as a result.

Today, mindfulness is widely used in Western psychology as a powerful tool for promoting mental and physical well-being. At its core, mindfulness is about being aware of the present moment without judgment. By practicing mindfulness, we can change our relationship with our thoughts and emotions.

More information and details about how to practice mindfulness and meditation, please check the Chapter 4 of Emotional Well-being Guide.

Counseling and Coaching

Counseling and Coaching can help you deal with life challenges and build resilience.

Counseling

A consultation could involve talking to a professional about a specific topic with a short-term outcome in mind. Many people find it helpful to receive a “check up” and some guidance without committing to long-term counseling. However, be sure to check with your counselor or insurance to see if these services are included.

Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

It is a benefit from your employer that can provide free counseling and coaching services.  Both services build resilience and can help you deal with life challenges, relationship issues, and emotional concerns.

Wellness Coaching

Wellness coaching is an excellent starting point for improving your health and mental well-being during life transitions. Coaches provide personalized guidance and support to help you enhance your overall health and well-being through lifestyle changes, nutrition advice, exercise planning, and stress management techniques. Essentially they assist you in achieving your wellness goals.

For more information on counseling, coaching, and other mental health resources, see Chapter 7.

Chinese Health Initiative has worked with mental health experts to develop this 140-page Emotional Well-being Guide. It’s available for free download.

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